What do mature men seek?
She threw me at point-blank range the question that I realized had a condemnatory rather than an accusatory charge. What do mature men seek? Her judgment, the answer she had, the sentence, came right after: “I thought that mature men would prefer young women, light and loose. They don’t need security, they just need good sex ”. My first answer was just thought: “so, these are the mature women that mature men seek”. I believe that a mature man seeks a mature woman. But a mature man has more than that to demand and offer. Much more, I told him.
The conversation had followed a beautiful post she had just sent me. An athletic man in the image, with an air of success, embracing the naked body of a “mature” woman, weighing a few pounds more than the standard body pattern. Yes, if it is mature, it is not a doll. Is a woman. And women gain weight. It has character when mature, has been marked in the soul, wounds opened by life, demands, suspicions, pains that someone will have to discover how to cure. Only a brave man faces all this and wins, because she does not believe what the “common” man says, she watches what he is willing to do for her. Okay, according to whoever wrote that note, this is the anatomy of the mature woman. You know what she wants. And the mature man, what do you want?
Can a man be sensitive? Do women accept that it is?
I had to direct the conversation in Socratic mode, asking, directing. Carefully, because my interlocutor is deeply Catholic.
And then, we talk about the map of the female body, ways to go, why not talk about the man’s? Doesn’t man also have his buttons?
And we talk about care. Can a man be sensitive? Do women accept that it is? And she, that “women discovered themselves, on the physical and emotional level. And intellectual. But men are not. ” What’s more, he said, men have to discover themselves and let them discover.
Okay, let’s talk about this sensitivity, after all my interlocutor never offered flowers to a man. There, I said, never allowed a man to be “dominant” as the general interpretation of the flower offering gesture suggests. Man conquers, hunts, as some say. And me: why on earth are men allowed to like flowers only when they are gardeners?
And as in a Socratic conclusion as well, we agree that mature men seek mature women. They also bring stories, wounds, pains, fears, dreams. They also want to see what they are willing to do for them. Everything else, the domain, the search for dolls that do not need security and for whom good sex is enough, maybe they are signs of immaturity, the same with which is labeled a woman with the same behavior. Ah, man also gains weight and becomes insecure.
*Journalist and Director of the newspaper O País, in Angola
Este artigo está disponível em: Português